I Hate Myself and I Need to Lose Weight

I hate myself and I need to lose weight. I can’t take feeling so depressed all of the time. I am diagnosed as morbidly obese according to my weight and height. And for the past 8 months my husband has been cheating on me.

Why does my husband cheat constantly? Is it because he is not attracted to me anymore and I need to lose weight? If someone told me I would have a cheating spouse after being so careful and patient in my selection process I would never have believed it.

But here I am. Married over 10 years, three kids, a house, a dog, and a husband with a girlfriend! And worse yet, she is also married. So does that also make my husband a male mistress, if there is such a thing?

Depressed and Obese with a Cheating Husband

I am supposed to keep quiet and overlook the late nights and secretive phone calls he only takes in the bathroom. I should ignore the fact that our sex life has dwindled down to once or twice a month, if that. But him and her meet up at least once a week, religiously. Does this happen to all obese married women that didn't start off overweight?

The tears have dried up a long time ago. There have been many nights where I cried so hard and so long that the following day I had to wear sunglasses because my eyes looked as if I were in a fight and lost. Boy I hate myself so much right now.

How many times can I open up my heart, tell him all of my feelings, insecurities, worries and fears, only to become another one of the abandoned.

You see the abandoned is a term I give to all people in a relationship whose mate or spouse has left them without physically leaving. And worse yet, we cannot or will not break it off with these people. Our spouses know we suffer from an undeniable, irreplaceable, unconditional love for them that will never die. I have tried to leave on many occasions but my heart wouldn’t allow my feet to run.

He doesn’t even try to cover it up as much any more. My husband is a male mistress and his girlfriend is a home wrecker. What does he propose I tell the kids when he isn’t there when they go to bed or when they wake up? How do I explain to them why Daddy falls asleep on the sofa almost every night he is actually home?

I am so tired of smiling when I want to cry. I’m tired of smiling when I want to frown. I hate myself for pretending that everything was alright for so long. I need to lose weight so things can change. If not him, then me. Maybe I will gain the confidence I need to stand up and demand the respect I deserve.

What kind of example am I for my little girl, will she allow the men in her life to treat her the same way? Will I worry that she is being neglected and emotionally abused by her partner? Will my son grow up to believe this is how a marriage works and he should treat a woman the way his Daddy treats me? It's definitely time for a change.

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