I have been very depressed after my gastric bypass surgery

by Anonymous
(TX)

I have been very depressed after my gastric bypass surgery. I had a BMI of 45 and was considered extremely obese, but I loved myself. At least I liked myself more than I do now. It has been a little over a years and I have lost 108 pounds. You would think that I'd be happy, but I'm not.

Everything about me is changed. I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror. Even my eyes look different to me. Everyone says I look great but I try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror. In a way, I really hate the fact that I had the surgery. At least when I was fat I was happy, relatively speaking. I am still just as lonely, but now it's because I won't let anyone get close to me. I don't socialize, party, or go out as much as I used to when I was heavy because I think people can see my extra skin underneath my clothes. And there's no way I would let a man touch me like this.

I am on antidepressants prescribed by a psychiatrist, but they don't make me forget my problems, just live with them. My health has improved physically, but psychologically I'm a mess. I'd never commit suicide, but sometimes when I go to sleep at migh I wish that I would never wake up.