I'm tired of not living due to bulimia

by Alone
(Nashville, TN)

I'm tired of not living due to bulimia. I've been a bulimic for going on ten years and I still struggle with the disease. I find it very difficult to stop. I am very much addicted to food and even though I try to tell myself that I can lose weight the right way, that way of thinking never lasts long.

I am tired of overeating, only to stick half my fist down my throat just to throw it up. My gag reflex is gone and now it takes longer for me to even throw up at all. I hate the way my throat burns afterward. Recently I have been suffering from severe stomach pains and I know it probably has something to do with an ulcer. I really don't like the way my teeth feel rough because all the enamel is gone. I am so desperate to get my life back and to start living and not just existing.

I loathe sneaking around because I am too ashamed for my family to know that I really have a problem. I detest thinking about food every second of the day, and picturing every and any little thing in my mouth. I can't stand spending half my paycheck on food only for it to go to waste in some parking lot or in some grocery bag. I am so tired of not living my life to the fullest. I need help!!